The Spiritual Mechanics of the Maternal Parasite: Uhiwai, Energetic Theft, and the Manufactured Bond

A Necessary Disclaimer

If you grew up with a normal mother whose instinct was to nurture, protect, and launch you into the world, this reflection might feel completely alien to you. For most people, the concept of a mother who actively wants less for her children than for herself is impossible to fathom. This piece is not written for or about healthy families. It is an exploration of the darker, pathological dynamics that occur behind closed doors when a parent operates on covert sabotage, psychological dominance, and manufactured control.

In the ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice of Hoʻoponopono, there is a profound concept known as Uhiwai. Uhiwai describes a deep spiritual wound that settles low in the stomach area, acting as an energetic clog. Because the very first bonds we form in this life are with our family, our families are also the first people capable of carving out these spiritual wounds. When that damage is inflicted—whether through cold betrayal, calculated deceit, or an absolute failure of protection—an energetic cord forms, binding you directly to the person who created the trauma.

Under natural, healthy conditions, our vital life force energy rests centered in the solar plexus, right around the diaphragm. Physically, this is the exact halfway point of the human body. Vitally, it sits right alongside our lungs, the very organs that remind us we are alive with every single breath we take.

When severe trauma occurs, that natural balance shatters. Part of that vital solar plexus energy drops straight down into the stomach, congealing into the wound of Uhiwai. It is from this deep wound that a toxic trauma cord stays anchored to the person who hurt you. The life force energy that was meant to fuel your own growth, your dreams, and your expansion is steadily siphoned away and given to someone else. In everyday life, this energetic drain manifests as an obsessive loop where you cannot stop thinking about the person who harmed you, or an exhausting, endless urge to prove yourself, defend your character, and please someone who is determined to misunderstand you. On a darker level, it actively blocks your success, sabotages your stability, and prevents you from reaching genuine self-sufficiency.

The Three Energetic Centers

To understand why this bond is so crippling, you have to look at the three core energetic regions of the body in Hawaiian healing traditions:

• The Lower Center (The Gut): Represents our past and holds the emotional subconscious spirit (Unihipili).

• The Middle Center (The Heart and Solar Plexus): Represents the present moment and the conscious, breathing self (Uhane).

• The Upper Center (The Mind and Crown): Represents the future and the higher spiritual mind (Aumakua).

When an abuser anchors a wound into your lower gut, they are literally anchoring your life force into the past. They trap your spirit in the original moment of betrayal, keeping you from living in the present or stepping cleanly into your future.

The Theory of the Parasitic Mother

I propose that psychopathic and deeply narcissistic mothers understand this energetic dynamic on an instinctual, subconscious level. They intentionally inflict trauma, break promises, and manufacture betrayal to forever bind their children to them through Uhiwai.

By convincing their children that they are fragile, incompetent, or incapable of surviving on their own, the mother secures her position as the supreme figurehead of the family system forever. If her children were to step into their true power—becoming independent, financially stable, and completely self-sufficient—her illusion of superiority would collapse. She does not inflict pain by accident. She manufactures the chaos, the debt, and the emotional distress precisely to preserve the leash, ensuring that your vital life force energy continues to flow back to feed her ego.

Recognizing where these energetic cords are anchored in your body is the first real step to breaking the loop. Healing does not come from begging the person who wounded you to finally see your worth; it comes from pulling your vital energy out of the past, dissolving the unreciprocated cord, and reclaiming the breath and sovereignty that was yours all along. 

The Murder of God

God has been murdered
We may not have done it
But we were accomplices
We buried the weapon 
And pretended all was well 
And holy 

Treacherous thing to say

Isn’t it?

Is it not true that there is a

Masculine and feminine

In every whole

God’s wife–  

An equal

Not subordinate nor

Lesser in any way–

Was slain by the Romans

While Her betrothed lay gagged 

And bound in a room 

Parallel to our own 

The church is a holy lie

More bloodshed and greed 

Than a battlefield stained red

While arms makers grow rich

Baal took God’s place. 

He took God’s head 

And neatly sewed it atop his own– 

The greatest trick ever pulled. 

The greatest lie in history

A sacrilegious virus

Spread throughout humankind

Generations of the blind and self righteous  

Murdering in the name of God

You fools do not see

The stitched line upon the neck 

Of the church’s god

You do not see the empty chair 

in which God’s wife sat

If God is a man and the only one

Where is there a place for me, our wives,

Or daughters?

If the only God is a man,

Patriarchy must be good,

And man must be superior to woman

Epiphanies Part IV

If you're willing to expend just a little more energy than everyone else, you will reap rewards exponentially beyond them. I realized this when I was thinking about real estate auctions. You could do them online, from home, like everyone else who doesn't want to go in person. The demand will spike, causing prices to skyrocket. But if you go in person, if you do the due diligence and expend the effort it takes to find one, get your financing together, and adhere to the bidding rules, you have a much higher chance of finding a cheaper or better property. Perhaps this can even be said about personal property auctions online. With the amount of effort it takes to list each and every item, the best items probably don't even hit the online market.

The absolute worst and most sinister thing you could teach your children is that they can't survive without you. As a mother and father, your main goal is to teach your kids how to grow up and survive on their own. You give them the tools and knowledge you acquired throughout your life, so they don't have to make the same mistakes and struggle the way you did. And if you're a good parent, you give your children knowledge and a sense of self worth so that they can exceed your own limitations financially, emotionally, and/ or in entirety. It goes against human nature to kick the stool out from under your child every time they begin their own journey and to punish their independence by hoarding your resources to ensure they feel below you and dependent upon you. 

If you set a boundary and someone says, "You don't have to be a bitch about it," do not defend yourself or say that you're not being a bitch. Let them know that is just a taste of being a bitch and if they pull that again, you'll ruthlessly attack. Let them be afraid of you. As a woman, this portrayal may as well be a cloak of protection. There is a Nigerian folktale about the rooster and the fox that perfectly encapsulates this: 

There was a time when the fox feared the rooster. He steered clear of the bird, wary of the vermilion comb blazing atop its head. The fox believed the creature possessed fire without burning, so he kept a safe distance. One day, the fox worked up the courage to approach the rooster and asked how he survived the flames. The rooster laughed: "Oh, this? This isn't fire! You don't have to worry about little me. I'm not dangerous." Right then, the rooster became the fox's dinner.

The moral of the story is for women to let people be afraid of them. Do not shrink when confronted, because you telling someone not to worry about you may just as well be the green light for them to surpass you, abuse you, or become superior to you.

If you focus on what you want to feel like and/or achieve, rather than what uncomfortable feeling you're trying to avoid, your life will be shaped by your desires rather than your fears.

The busiest and most successful people always answer their phones quickly. They're ready to make deals and accept any business. It's the people who aren't successful that don't answer the phone. To them the phone feels heavy. If this is you (and honestly, at times, this is me), reframe the phone from a burden to an opportunity catcher.

It's not just you. When we don't stay mindful about joy and positivity, it can be easy to slip into negative thinking. Sometimes to shake ourselves out of it, it's of great benefit to listen to positive people in the background while performing household maintenance.

The amount of words in your vocabulary directly correlates to the width of your experience of life. If your vocabulary is narrow, your perception of reality will be narrow. This is why literacy is so crucial to free yourself from the bondage of limitation. When you're feeling stuck, go to z-library.sk or Internet Archive and read a book, any book, that interests you. Try to find a book with words you don't know. Find books that go against your beliefs and see if they open your mind to new ideas. The algorithm today feeds us things we already know and like, and this can keep us from expanding our worldview and knowledge, which ultimately stunts our personal growth.

If you feel insecure, lonely, or nervous, force yourself to say hi to everyone (everyone) you walk by on the way to work or encounter running errands. Definitely speak to people at work and home. It could be as simple as a Good morning! or a Hope you have a great day! But really, it should expand beyond that to a surface level chat. Practice staying in conversations longer. The person who controls the tempo has the power. This should help you with your nervousness and alien feelings.

The way to be interesting is to be interested. Be interested in other people's lives. If you can't ask them 10  questions about their life, you're not interesting. I really came to understand this when I was struggling passing my classes in college. The semester I stopped giving a half-assed attempt and started taking a genuine interest in the subjects, regardless of what they were, I managed to get straight A+'s two semesters in a row. This also explains why 10x is easier than 2x. 

You reap what you sow. You don't reap when you sow. You usually reap more than you sow.

Don't let fear make you hide from your responsibilities. Not a single person is thinking about you- be mature enough to understand that.

Business is about being fearless and helping people with more money than you do something they don't want to do or can't do. If you are spending your initial days in business solely on a business plan, a website, a logo, or ordering business cards, you're just a customer for someone else's business. You're just a consumer. Start doing the part where you help people, get money, and develop a client base before you do the website and marketing. Yes, in today's day, you won't survive long if you don't have a website or business cards, but don't let that distract you from actually putting yourself out there to do whatever it is your business does. If you want to start a landscaping company, buy a lawnmower and start door knocking. If you want to start a marketing company, start helping people build their instagram accounts and followers. The universe favors the bold.

Yesterday I realized that all my writing on this website- my daily insights, part of my future legacy- will disappear the day I die and stop paying for hosting. That's why I started sharing my works from here on Medium. I don't have to worry about paying Medium's hosting, and my writing can live on there for however long they're around. This is also why it's critical to publish a book, create an E-book on Amazon, and submit pieces to literary magazines. You ensure your work doesn't die with you.

Rich people always pay someone else to do work they can do themselves. They see it as time they can spend making exponentially more than whatever the service cost. It's the middle class people that think to do it themselves because they value the money not the time. To them, they earned their money with their time, so it feels like they're paying for something with their life- because they are. 

Creativity is the only real thing there is. It is both a self-replenishing asset and tool. When you pay for things with your creativity, you don't lose any of it. In fact, it almost always multiplies into more creativity.

Poor people use money to pay bills and buy stuff. Middle class people use money to pay off credit cards and get some money back from paying bills. Rich people use money to make more money. Poor people and middle class people want guarantees. Rich people want opportunities.

The progress of technology has been at the expense of the human labor economy. Technology promised us leisure, but only demanded we match the speed of the machines. Inventions that were supposed to give us free time just replaced honest human jobs while forcing us to work faster.  For example people, usually women, would get paid to type up what someone was speaking aloud turning their words into a manuscript. So how do we balance wanting to advance technologically with keeping humans employed? We will have to return to the truth that human beings have inherent worth separate from their mechanical output.

Colleges teach students to write analyses of other people's works, but never teach you that no one pays for commentary on someone else's life work. People pay for your own life work written into existence. When we train entire generations only to react to other people's words, we end up with platforms full of people endlessly parroting someone else's interpretation of reality. Go out, live life, and write your own work.

The only gap between where you are and where you want to be is missing information. You are just one piece of knowledge away from the next step. Go find it.

Oi, the Old Boys Club

 I love her. Real estate isn't always the easiest as a woman; I'm reminded of this as I meet other agents outside of my brokerage who are still fiercely part of the "old boys club." (Side note: Just want to say my brokerage is phenomenal and so full of love and is not a part of this).

Yesterday a male agent from another brokerage wouldn't let me preview the home because I didn't have a buyer physically with me. But I could tell it wasn't about the rules, it was because I was a woman. Patriarchy reveals itself in minor gatekeeping, talking over you, and micro-invalidations.

If I was a man, I guarantee he would've said, "Sure no problem, it's vacant anyway." But as a woman, I apparently better have a buyer with me because "he didn't like the idea of previewing."

Patriarchy hurts men and women, and it actively stifles the market. That's one less home I'm going to have on my radar for clients, and that's one less agent bringing a qualified buyer to his listing.

  Watch this

What is a Woman?

What is a woman?

Does she like flowers

Is she softer?

Does she nurture

Does she cook, does she clean?

Is she radiant like an electric storm in the sky

or grounded like a towering redwood

Do her emotions carry depths of the deep blue sea 

Down into darkness, descend into secrets

With ugly things that have never seen the light

Slimy and blobish, they'd burst if surfaced

The shame lay buried in the deepest of trenches

Where only bizarre creatures call home

Do her waters swell like tides upon the beaches

Is she the wind beneath a plane's wings, or is she the violent storm

that rains hail and rips structures into a million pieces

Does she look after others even while she bleeds

or does she put herself first before everyone's needs

Does she dance

Will she play

With role models few and far between,

A woman walks a path overgrown and unseen

So today I ask you 

What is a woman?

Feminist Theology

Modern religion was created in a patriarchy, and this is why women do not reap all of the spiritual benefits of religion. In order for the masculine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must give up itself. In order for the feminine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must build itself. If a woman gives up any more of herself in the name of sacrifice and service for God, she'll erase herself. This is why modern religion doesn't work for women. 

Historically, religions were created for men, taught by men, and most importantly excluded women. Only in the more recent years has religion become a universal cultural system that's within reach of both men and women. However, the doctrines have not acclimated and accommodated for this. Women have only been given the tools of the Divine Masculine within their religions. And when you look at the history of theology, the proof of this imbalance is hiding in plain sight. 

The Trap of Holy Sacrifice 

For thousands of years, orthodox religious doctrines were systematically written by men, from a male perspective, to address male spiritual anxieties. Because of this, traditional theology defined the ultimate human sin as pride or hubris—an excess of self. Therefore, the ultimate virtue became humility, submission, and self-sacrifice. This is a masculine medicine applied to a feminine condition. For a dominant male ego living in a patriarchal society, perhaps he does need to give himself up to achieve spiritual balance. But a woman living in that same society already suffers from a starved, underdeveloped sense of self. We are already conditioned to be small, to accommodate, and to serve. When modern religion prescribes us the exact same medicine—telling us to sacrifice even more of our desires and identities—we don't achieve spiritual enlightenment. We achieve spiritual erasure. We just disappear. 

The Illusion of Inclusion 

Yes, the doors of the church, the temple, and the mosque are open to us now. In fact, women currently make up the vast majority of active participants in many global religious communities. But the inclusion is an illusion. We are allowed in the building, but the doctrines remain unacclimated. We are still hitting the "glass ceiling" of the sanctuary. Because we were historically barred from the councils and synods that decided what was "divine," we are still navigating a spiritual world built entirely on masculine metaphors. We are told to pray to a Father, a King, a Lord, and a Master. As the feminist philosopher Mary Daly famously pointed out, "If God is male, then the male is God." Every time we are forced to conceptualize the ultimate reality using exclusively masculine imagery, we are subtly taught that our own feminine bodies and minds are a step removed from the divine image. 

Building Instead of Shrinking 

We cannot keep trying to carve out our spiritual awakening using the tools of the Divine Masculine. The traditional tools offered by modern religion—absolute obedience, hierarchy, and a distant, rule-giving deity—starve the feminine soul. If women are going to step into the divine, we don't need a religion that asks us to empty ourselves out. We need a spirituality that teaches us how to build ourselves up. We need to reclaim the Divine Feminine: the divinity found within our own bodies, our intuition, and the earth. Religion will only begin to work for women when it stops asking us to shrink into a mold that was never cast for us to begin with.

Epiphanies Part III

Never ask God (the Universe or your Higher Power) for more. The current version of you already has everything you could possibly hold. You are filled to the brim. Instead, ask God for a bigger container and recognize what you already have. To expand beyond that, you must become a new version of yourself. 

Hoarding signals to the Universe that you are insecure and financially unstable. It says, "I hold onto things I don't like just in case I need them one day. I have so little faith in myself that I don't think I could buy what I really want, let alone replace what I actually need." Ironically, it's the people who walk around with the most stuff on them that have the least. This is directly correlated to humans' subconscious desire to hoard. Get rid of the stuff and you're already integrating the new you and putting space between the old version.

Time flies whether you're having fun or not. 

The Sales Profession is a lot like surfing. You have to be completely in alignment with that energy to get your desired outcome. If you're even slightly out of kilter, you'll miss the wave entirely. But on the flip side- when you're in alignment- the waves ride you effortlessly. 

"Lord, grant me weak eyes for things that are of no account and strong eyes for all thy truth." - Soren Kierkegaard

To truly heal from trauma, you don't need to relive it by talking about it. You need to experience more times where you're safe, loved, and accepted than all the times you've been abused. That is how you heal from trauma.

It is much easier to listen to your body and practice doing what feels effortless rather than going out of your way to create problems for yourself. As humans we tend to create all these obstacles just to overcome them, thus expending all our viable energy just to stay at baseline.

Slow down. Slow your conversation down.

If you're a woman with money issues, you're not alone. You've been taught that you are to blame for your inability to maintain a well paying job. What you weren't taught is that all the well paying jobs that were historically taken up by women, the guilds, the landownership, was systematically taken from us, turning our careers as midwifes, female doctors and health experts into a criminal charge, and switching predominantly female careers like doctors to now male-assumed careers of modern times. Capitalism would not survive without your unpaid household labor. Check your natal birth chart for your black moon Lilith and eros. Together they show you where you have been stolen from and suppressed, and cohesively where you will be liberated and enlivened. 

30 years ago a single woman could not buy a home by herself. No bank or institution would loan her the money for a mortgage- no matter how much she made or how good her credit score was. 

Eliminate the words in your vocabulary “need” and “want.” Instead of need, say “I require.”

I require the highest quality material. Instead of saying want, say “I desire.” Need and want are words of lack.  They drain your energy. Desire means to birth or to -sire something into reality. Notice the shift in energy when you don’t say the words want or need. As you choose more empowering words, it’ll actually elevate your energy and make you feel more confident about yourself. What you desire and require you do deserve. Smile about that.

"Your personal experiences with money make up 0.00000001% of what's happened in the world, but maybe 80% of how you think the world works."- The Psychology of Money

The amount of money you make is directly correlated with how much value you bring to others.

If you’re a buyer’s agent, you have something that homebuyers don’t have, and that’s time to look at properties. Get to know your product. Preview every single home in your territory. This way when working with a buyer, you can say “that home looked good on Zillow but it didn’t have the right layout,” “that home smelled like cat pee. Don’t waste your time,” or “that home would be perfect for you. I’ve seen every home in the area. Considering what you want and what’s best for your family, that house is the one.”

If you hate everyone, eat some food. If you think everyone hates you, take a nap. If you hate yourself, take a shower. I live by these rules. 

Dearest Women, your body is an instrument, not an ornament.

Becoming a good writer is less about writing and more about becoming a keen observer. 

What is patriarchy? Patriarchy is the fact that if Harry Potter was written about a female named Holly Potter-with her two friends Rachel Weasley and Henry Granger- the book would be reduced to a frivolous fantasy romance rather than becoming an international sensation.

Home Baked Garlic Rosemary Artisan Bread

 

Artisan Bread with Butter

If you don't want to wait 8 hours, then bake it at night, so you can sleep while it rises. There's no getting around that. 

Ingredients:

For the Roasted Garlic:

1 head garlic

Extra-virgin olive oil

Coarse sea salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the Bread:

11/2 cups water, room temperature (at or near

70°F/21°C)

1 teaspoon active dry yeast

3 cups bread or all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

1 teaspoon kosher or fine sea salt

2 teaspoons finely chopped rosemary, plus more to sprinkle on top

1 whole head roasted garlic, smashed

1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil

Instructions:

Roast the Garlic:

Preheat oven to 400°F (204°C). Slice the garlic head in half and drizzle the exposed cloves with olive oil. Season with salt and pepper. Wrap in foil and roast on a baking sheet for 40 minutes. Once roasted, let it cool and remove the cloves from their skins. Set aside. 

If you don't have foil or don't want to bake it, you can also activate the garlic by throwing the whole thing with skin on in a pan on medium high-high heat with oil, salt, and pepper.

Activate the Yeast:

Add yeast to the room temperature water and let it sit for 10-15 minutes until it starts to bubble. Don't forget to stir it. If it sits on top, it won't quite activate as fast. The bubbles aren't grandiose, they're really small. 

Mix the Dough:

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, oregano, salt, and chopped rosemary. Add the yeast mixture, roasted garlic, and olive oil to the bowl.

Use a rubber spatula to mix everything until just combined. The dough will be sticky and stringy with a bit of flour still around the edges.

Let the Dough Rise:

Cover the dough and let it rise in a warm spot for 8-10 hours or until it has doubled in size.

Shape the Dough:

Once the dough has risen, turn it out onto a floured surface. Gently fold it into itself to form a soft ball.

Place the dough, seam side up, into a floured proofing bowl. Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour, up to 24-48 hours.

Prepare to Bake:

Preheat the oven to 450°F (232°C) with a Dutch oven or covered baking vessel inside. Turn the dough out onto parchment paper, seam side down, and gently shape it if needed. Score the top of the dough with a sharp knife.

Bake the Bread:

Carefully place the dough (still on the parchment) into the preheated Dutch oven. Cover and bake for 30 minutes, then remove the cover and bake for an additional 15-20 minutes until the top is golden brown and the loaf sounds hollow when tapped.

Left Brain | Right Brain: Cain and Abel

We've all heard the story of Cain and Abel. Cain was a gardener who offered his first harvest. Abel was a shepherd who offered his firstborn lamb. God was mad because apparently his dietary habits are pickier than my cousin Emma's, who survived off only chicken nuggets and Mac n Cheese the first eight years of her life.

If God isn't just a picky eater, what is this story actually trying to tell us? What if the Bible isn’t a historical record of ancient sibling rivalry, but a highly encoded psychological manual for the human body and brain?

Fast forward to the 1950s. Neurobiologist Roger Sperry starts snipping the corpus callosum. The corpus Callosum is the thick bridge of fibers connecting the left and right hemispheres of the brain. He started experimenting in animals, and later, he treated humans with epilepsy. What he discovered changed everything: when you cut the bridge, you get two distinct, independent minds living in one skull.

The Left Brain emerged as the talker. It’s analytical, verbal, logical, and obsessed with literal details. The Right Brain doesn't have the ability to formulate words; rather, it's silent, but incredibly deep. It deals with spatial awareness, emotional intuition, and the big-picture connection to everything around it.

Now look back at Genesis.

Cain is the quintessential Left Brain. He’s a gardener. He manipulates the earth, measures his crops, calculates his yield, and works within rigid structures. When it’s time to offer a sacrifice, he brings the literal fruits of his analytical labor.

Abel is the Right Brain. He’s a shepherd, dealing with life, flow, instinct, and raw connection. He offers the firstborn lamb which is a symbolic sacrifice of the ego, a direct offering from the heart.

Why was God displeased with Cain? Because the Left Brain was never meant to be the master. It’s supposed to be the steward. But because the Left Brain possesses the power of language, it thinks it’s in charge. It talks over the quiet, intuitive Right Brain.

According to Dr. Iain McGilchrist, who wrote a massive, groundbreaking book called The Master and His Emissary, the right brain is supposed to be the true master. The right brain silently receives, holds space, and sees the bigger picture of reality. It is deep and understands the true meaning of things. The Left Brain is supposed to be the Emissary. The Emissary is a brilliant servant sent into the trenches to handle details, manipulate tools, and organize data.

But the Emissary got arrogant. Because the Left Brain is analytical and possesses the power of language, it convinced itself that it was the true Master. It staged a coup, hijacked the system, and locked the real Master in the basement.

Let’s push the boundary even further. This goes beyond science and into the realm of gender archetypes.

The Left Brain, Cain, and the Emissary represent the Hyper-Masculine archetype: structure, action, penetration, logic, building, and asserting dominion. It says, Look what I built with my hands, I demand recognition. It overanalyzes, perhaps to a point of paralysis. And it never stops talking.

The Right Brain, Abel, and the Master represents the Divine Feminine archetype: nurturing, receiving, intuition, emotional depth, and holistic unity.

Cain couldn't handle that his structured, calculated offerings weren't the ultimate truth. He couldn't stand that Abel had a direct, effortless connection to the Divine. So, what does a threatened, power-hungry Left Brain do when its ego is bruised?

It eliminates the competition. Cain slays Abel. The Emissary murders the Master. The masculine suppresses the feminine. 

Perhaps, you could even say this subconscious awareness of the feminine's silent leadership is what causes men who aren't secure in their power to lash out in domestic violence. The abusers fear that the feminine wields more power than they're comfortable even considering.  

Irregardless, when Cain kills Abel, it’s a metaphor for a society and an individual psychology where the hyper-masculine, analytical ego completely crushes the intuitive, feminine soul. In our society, there is a daily battle between the ego and the higher self, and for a lot of people, the ego wins. We live in a left-brain dominant world, wondering why we feel so disconnected from the divine, when the answer was encoded in the very first pages of the book: we let the left brain murder the right.

Relationships: Karmic, Limerence, Dharmic

Shakti and Shiva: The Essence of Dharmic Love

Relationships are fundamental to human growth. Our first relationships are usually Karmic. We get into relationships with people who push our buttons or push us to fix and heal something within ourselves that we might not have been aware of. Limerence is an extreme attraction to something. Have you ever had a type that you were attracted to, for example, I was super attracted to the funny guy who was super secure in himself, you might be attracted to artists, and its because we're projecting what we really desire and actually have within ourselves onto someone else. I also want to talk about historically how women have felt the need to find a man to provide financial security. But once you become that financial security yourself, who you're attracted to will change. When you become and awaken these aspects in yourself, and when you no longer "need" someone to complete these aspects of you to make you whole, that is when you step into a Dharma relationship. In a Dharma relationship, two wholes come together to usher in a new wave a consciousness effortlessly, naturally, to our planet. Today, I want to talk about three different aspects of relationships: Karmic, Limerence, and Dharmic. 

When you find yourself attracted to men or women who seem to trigger your deepest insecurities, you are likely entangled in a Karmic relationship. These aren't meant to be your happily ever after. Instead, they act as a mirror, reflecting the unhealed parts of your psyche. If you find yourself repeatedly falling for partners who abandon you, ignore your boundaries, or require constant fixing, it's a good time to take a look at what the universe is guiding you to heal. The lesson here is to stop looking outward for validation and to start cultivating that worth within yourself.

The Illusion of Limerence

From there, we often stumble into the trap of Limerence. This is that intoxicating, obsessive infatuation where we put someone on a pedestal. But here is the plot twist: you aren't actually in love with them; you are in love with a projection of yourself.

When I was deeply attracted to the funny, fiercely secure guy, it wasn't just about him. It was because my soul was craving that exact sense of humor and security within myself. If you find yourself chronically infatuated with artists, free spirits, or hyper-successful tycoons, ask yourself: What quality do they possess that I am denying myself permission to embody?

The Evolution of Choice: From Survival to Soul

This shift becomes incredibly obvious when we look at our material world. Historically, women were conditioned to seek partners primarily for financial survival and physical security. When your baseline motivation is "I need someone to take care of me," your radar will naturally tune into providers, even if they aren't an emotional match.

But look what happens when the script flips. Once you become your own financial security—when you pay your own bills, build your own empire, and hold down your own fort—the old checklist crumbles. You no longer need a transaction; you desire a connection. When survival is off the table, your attraction elevates from a place of lack to a place of alignment.

Stepping Into Your Dharmic Relationship

When you finally heal the karmic loops, reclaim the pieces of yourself you were projecting through limerence, and secure your own foundation, something miraculous happens. You stop looking for a missing puzzle piece because you realize you are already a complete puzzle.

This is the gateway to a Dharmic relationship.

A Dharmic relationship is not about two halves desperately clinging together to make a whole. It is the collision of two fully realized, whole individuals. There is no codependency, no subconscious testing, and no desperation. Instead, you come together effortlessly and naturally. A Dharmic union doesn't drain your energy; it multiplies it, creating a peaceful, stable baseline that actually uppers the consciousness of the planet just by existing.

So, take a look at your current relationship patterns. Are you healing a debt, chasing a projection, or building an empire of conscious love?

The Mentality Shift from a W2 to a 1099

 

The Lone Real Estate Agent

If you’re like me, you didn’t start in sales. You got a regular job, worked a predetermined set of hours, and got paid around the same amount every other week. You held a position at this job, with a title, glamorous or not, and you quickly learned that if you didn’t show up without notice one day, everything would fall into complete chaos for the work day. Not to mention, your coworkers and boss would seriously resent you. If you did this more than once, you were done-cut, fired, let go-and replaced by the next overly qualified resume that looked just like yours.

You then realized you were never going to get rich renting out your time anyway. You’re giving up the best years of your life helping someone else get rich and accomplish their dream. Anyway, you didn’t like the idea of only having the time and money to do something when you’re too old to want to do anything. 

After your 3 day couch bender of Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles, you decide you want to get into sales. You were enamored with the idea of selling real estate, getting commission checks on 8M dollar properties. You probably wouldn’t drive a Rolls Royce yourself because you’re not a pretentious a-hole, but you liked the idea of knowing it was possible.

You get your last check in the mail, scoff at those poor suckers you left behind, feeling sorry for them that they’re too scared to leave the endless grind. But a flutter of excitement dances from your chest to your fingers as you type your card number into the online real estate course shopping cart. 

Your $260.00 purchase completed, and you feel like a 15th century explorer charting the new horizon. 

After months of learning crazy words you never heard of, like encroachments, encumbrances, and other “legalese,” you pay $400 to take the exam and pay for the application fee- a fee that the online course conveniently forgot to mention in their advertising- and you pass. 

Letters from brokerages everywhere flood your mailbox. You feel worried for a second because you made a promise to yourself not to ever buy anything from an advertisement that reached out to you for business promising you’ll make big money (that time you got terribly swindled out of $300 for a dropshipping business that didn’t make a dollar, it actually cost you $100). 

You choose a brokerage, and suddenly, the cage door flies open. You have total freedom. No clock-in times, no manager breathing down your neck, no mandatory desk hours. It feels liberating for exactly twenty-four hours. Then the psychological shock sets in: if you do nothing, absolutely nothing happens. Your calendar is a blank canvas of terrifying silence.

To fill the void, you volunteer to host an open house. You spend ten brutal hours over Saturday and Sunday standing on polished hardwood, smiling until your jaw aches. Eighty people stream through the front door. Eighty opportunities, you think. Except almost every single one of them walks in with an agent already attached to their hip. You feel like a glorified tour guide, handing buyers to the listing agent on a silver platter.

Later that evening, your phone buzzes. It is a text from the listing agent. Five offers are on the table, and counteroffers are already flying. You type back a congratulatory message, forcing a genuine tone into the screen. You are happy for her, truly. But a cold realization settles in your chest. You just gave up your entire weekend, sweated through your clothes, and worked ten hours for zero dollars, effectively earning someone else a massive commission check off your sweat and tears. Welcome to the 1099 life.

Just as the internal spiral starts, an experienced agent stops by the house before lockup. She sees the exhaustion in your eyes and talks you down from the ledge. She started five years ago and remembers the exact shock of moving from a predictable paycheck to the wild west of independent contracting. She hands you a perspective shift about renting and the grind that sticks: W2 employees can buy a house with 3% down because banks love predictable stagnation. A 1099 entrepreneur has to show up with 20% down because self-employment requires proving your worth upfront. The day will come when you cross that threshold, she promises, but right now, you just have to swallow your pride, put in the work, and hunt for your own leads.

It clicks. It connects deeply with that concept from Naval Ravikant: play long-term games with long-term people. All the real returns in life — whether in wealth, relationships, or knowledge — come from compound interest. Right now, you are just depositing the first, painful rounds of capital into a game that takes years to pay out.

But exactly what skin you have in the game is exactly what you get in return. 

“One day your net worth will match your sweat equity.”