Paradoxical Breathing
I remember when I first realized that my breathing wasn't like everyone else's. I was in elementary school. Mr. C taught our P.E. (Physical Education), and he educated us about our breath.
"When we breathe in, our bellies expand, and when we breathe out, our bellies contract," he said with his hand on his belly to demonstrate. "Our ribs expand as we breathe in, and oxygen circulates through our body."
I sat on the gym floor next to all my classmates- criss cross applesauce, as we called it- with my hand on my belly. I took deep breaths, but for some reason, my belly was contracting as I was breathing in, and expanding as I was breathing out. I looked at everyone else having this moment together- the realization of their shared humanness. They connected their minds to their bodies, but I was confused. I felt like the only kid in the gym whose body wasn't breathing like everyone else's.
Mr. C had us do some exercises across the gym, which were always fun. Crab walking, cherry pickers, and running in circles.
At the end of gym, I walked my 3-foot tall body up to Mr. C and said, "My belly is going in when I breathe in, and going out when I breathe out."
He said something like, "No, it's supposed to be the other way around."
He demonstrated again. I showed him my hand on my belly contracting inward when I breathed in and expanding out when I breathed out.
Gym was over though, and we had to line up to go back to class.
Mr. C probably thought I just wanted to be different.
Throughout the following weeks, my mind was elsewhere in class. I kept trying to force my belly to go out with inhalation and to go in with exhalation. It was getting exhausting, because it felt like I had to relearn how to breathe, so I finally just forgot about it.
That was until a few weeks ago, when I started doing calisthenics along to Youtube videos.
"Ok, now lift, inhale. Release, exhale," the workout instructor said in the video.
Again, I noticed my breathing being the opposite of hers. My breath is not always like this anymore, but I catch myself reverting to it almost as a default.
Today, I decided to look up if this reverse breathing thing is considerable. If it really is something, I would like to learn about the phenomenon and fix it.
I learned that it is in fact an irregularity. It's called paradoxical breathing. And it's not uncommon.
It usually forms in response to chronic stress, trauma, anxiety, asthma, or muscular imbalances- especially from early developmental trauma or survival-based living.
Paradoxical breathing can happen when:
1. Chronic Fight-or-Flight Activation
-If your nervous system has been in high-alert mode (ex. from childhood trauma or chronic stress), your body developed dysfunctional breathing as a survival adaptation
2. Tension in the Diaphragm or Abdominals
-The diaphragm may be tight or weak, and the accessory muscles (neck, chest, shoulders) are doing all the work, flipping your natural breath rhythm.
3. PTSD and Body Disconnection
-Trauma can cause a disconnection from the body. You may have unintentionally avoided deep belly breathing to "not feel" emotions trapped in the gut area.
4. Postural Issues/ TMJ:
-Neck tension or spine misalignment can also restrict proper diaphragmatic movement, forcing the body into compensatory patterns.
There are ways to fix paradoxical breathing. Some of these ways include somatic breathwork, myofascial release for diaphragm and core, nervous system regulation, and voice or singing work.
I have wanted to get vocal lessons to reclaim my voice for the past year. I realized that practicing my voice in a positive environment would unlock my fear of singing in front of people. In my experience, singing and vocal work have been a very underutilized tool that has the great possibility to activate and strengthen my throat chakra.
In other words, empowerment.
Rebuilding the woman I am today is no small feat. But with that said, I am still choosing to love myself right now. I stopped fighting to perfect myself so I can be worthy of love. I spent too many years waiting until I was perfect to give myself the love I deserve. Ironically, the moment of achieving perfection never comes. The only moment is the now, and in this moment- again, the only moment- I choose to love myself and treat myself like I'm whole, because I am.
I intend to be fully engaged in the present moment and to do the next right thing. I will not get caught up in trying to get somewhere before I love myself or allow myself happiness.
Stay present, notice things about your body, and get curious enough to explore it.
I hope you, too, open the door to deeper understanding, healing, and connection with yourself. Breath is the beginning of everything.